Dec 19 2008
Need a Pick-Me-Up?
If you follow this blog, then you may think I’m going to discuss Caylee’s remains being found and identified, but I’m not. It’s just too sad. I’ve heard enough sad stuff today, beginning with my sister-in-law losing her gig. Besides, Nancy Grace has the Caylee story covered. You can click on the link above if you want to know the latest developments. I, on the other hand, need a pick-me-up. SO…
I am going to post some humor instead. I found these courtroom quotations on “Things People Said “. I hope you enjoy. Share it with your family members and friends who need a laugh too.
Courtroom Quotations
The following quotations are taken from official court records across the nation:
- Lawyer: “This myasthenia gravis — does it affect your memory at all?”
- Witness: “Yes.”
- Lawyer: “And in what ways does it affect your memory?”
- Witness: “I forget.”
- Lawyer: “You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you’ve forgotten?”
- Lawyer: “What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning?”
- Witness: “He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’”
- Lawyer: “And why did that upset you?”
- Witness: “My name is Susan.”
- Lawyer: “Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?”
- Witness: “No.”
- Lawyer: “Did you check for blood pressure?”
- Witness: “No.”
- Lawyer: “Did you check for breathing?”
- Witness: “No.”
- Lawyer: “So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?”
- Witness: “No.”
- Lawyer: “How can you be so sure, Doctor?”
- Witness: “Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.”
- Lawyer: “But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?”
- Witness: “Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.”
- Lawyer: “How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?”
- Lawyer: “What happened then?”
- Witness: “He told me, he says, ‘I have to kill you because you can identify me.’”
- Lawyer: “Did he kill you?”
- Witness: “No.”
- Lawyer: “Now sir, I’m sure you are an intelligent and honest man–”
- Witness: “Thank you. If I weren’t under oath, I’d return the compliment.”
- Lawyer: “You were there until the time you left, is that true?”
- Lawyer: “So you were gone until you returned?”
- Lawyer: “The youngest son, the 20 year old, how old is he?”
- Lawyer: “Were you alone or by yourself?”
- Witness: “He was about medium height and had a beard.”
- Lawyer: “Was this a male or a female?”
- Lawyer: “Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn’t you?”
- Witness: “I went to Europe, sir.”
- Lawyer: “And you took your new wife?”
- Lawyer: “I show you Exhibit 3 and ask you if you recognize that picture.”
- Witness: “That’s me.”
- Lawyer: “Were you present when that picture was taken?”
- Lawyer: “Were you present in court this morning when you were sworn in?”
- Lawyer: “Do you know how far pregnant you are now?”
- Witness: “I’ll be three months on November 8.”
- Lawyer: “Apparently, then, the date of conception was August 8?”
- Witness: “Yes.”
- Lawyer: “What were you doing at that time?”
- Lawyer: “How many times have you committed suicide?”
- Witness: “Four times.”
- Lawyer: “Do you have any children or anything of that kind?”
- Lawyer: “She had three children, right?”
- Witness: “Yes.”
- Lawyer: “How many were boys?”
- Witness: “None.”
- Lawyer: “Were there girls?”
- Lawyer: “You don’t know what it was, and you didn’t know what it looked like, but can you describe it?”
- Lawyer: “You say that the stairs went down to the basement?”
- Witness: “Yes.”
- Lawyer: “And these stairs, did they go up also?”
- Lawyer: “Have you lived in this town all your life?”
- Witness: “Not yet.”
- Lawyer: (realizing he was on the verge of asking a stupid question) “Your Honor, I’d like to strike the next question.”
- Lawyer: “Do you recall approximately the time that you examined the body of Mr. Eddington at the Rose Chapel?”
- Witness: “It was in the evening. The autopsy started about 8:30pm.”
- Lawyer: “And Mr. Eddington was dead at the time, is that correct?”
- Lawyer: “Did you ever stay all night with this man in New York?”
- Witness: “I refuse to answer that question.
- Lawyer: “Did you ever stay all night with this man in Chicago?”
- Witness: “I refuse to answer that question.
- Lawyer: “Did you ever stay all night with this man in Miami?”
- Witness: “No.”
- Lawyer: “What is your marital status?”
- Witness: “Fair.”
- Lawyer: “Are you married?”
- Witness: “No, I’m divorced.”
- Lawyer: “And what did your husband do before you divorced him?”
- Witness: “A lot of things I didn’t know about.”
- Lawyer: “How did you happen to go to Dr. Cherney?”
- Witness: “Well, a gal down the road had had several of her children by Dr. Cherney and said he was really good.”
- Lawyer: “Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?”
- Witness: “All my autopsies have been performed on dead people.”
- Lawyer: “Were you acquainted with the deceased?”
- Witness: “Yes sir.”
- Lawyer: “Before or after he died?”
- Lawyer: “Mrs. Jones, is your appearance this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?”
- Witness: “No. This is how I dress when I go to work.”
- The Court: “Now, as we begin, I must ask you to banish all present information and prejudice from your minds, if you have any.”
- Lawyer: “Did he pick the dog up by the ears?”
- Witness: “No.”
- Lawyer: “What was he doing with the dog’s ears?”
- Witness: “Picking them up in the air.”
- Lawyer: “Where was the dog at this time?”
- Witness: “Attached to the ears.”
- Lawyer: “When he went, had you gone and had she, if she wanted to and were able, for the time being excluding all the restraints on her not to go, gone also, would he have brought you, meaning you and she, with him to the station?”
- Other Lawyer: “Objection. That question should be taken out and shot.”
- Lawyer: “And lastly, Gary, all your responses must be oral. Ok? What school do you go to?”
- Witness: “Oral.”
- Lawyer: “How old are you?”
- Witness: “Oral.”
- Lawyer: “Now, you have investigated other murders, have you not, where there was a victim?”
- Lawyer: “Now, doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, in most cases he just passes quietly away and doesn’t know anything about it until the next morning?”
- Lawyer: “And what did he do then?”
- Witness: “He came home, and next morning he was dead.”
- Lawyer: “So when he woke up the next morning he was dead?”
- Lawyer: “Could you see him from where you were standing?”
- Witness: “I could see his head.”
- Lawyer: “And where was his head?”
- Witness: “Just above his shoulders.”
- Lawyer: “Do you drink when you’re on duty?”
- Witness: “I don’t drink when I’m on duty, unless I come on duty drunk.”
- Lawyer: “Any suggestions as to what prevented this from being a murder trial instead of an attempted murder trial?”
- Witness: “The victim lived.”
Possibly-related Articles: (auto-generated)
OMG!!! I was reading it along with hubby and both of us had tears in our eyes from laughing… great one.. thanks for the laugh this morning!!! lol!!!
Those were really good. Thanks, I needed that today.
My favorite “Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere,” lol.
I’m so glad you all got as much of a kick out of these as I did.
@ Danny– that’s my favorite one too! Without a doubt.
@ Windmill– thanks and back to you!
Davida