Dec 27 2008
Is It The Thought Or The Gift That Counts?
My sister-in-law was here Friday helping us move. Thanks, Tiffany! Thanks, Mom and Dad (my in-laws)!
Anywho…
Tiffany and I were discussing Christmas gifts… well, gift-giving in general… actually… more specifically, couples exchanging gifts.
Let me back up.
My husband and I did not exchange gifts this Christmas. In fact, there’s been several birthdays, graduations, Christmases, and other commercially-recognized days that we skipped the gift-giving expectation altogether.
You’re probably shaking your head at this.
Well, we share a bank account from which we pay joint bills and make joint purchases. It just seems ridiculous for me to go buy something and give it to him and he go buy something and give it to me just because it’s Christmas.
Not knocking you, if you did this. Just getting to my point.
Sure, we acknowledge those days, but we take a different approach. We believe that EVERY day is a day to acknowledge each other. So we give each other gifts throughout the year. Remember my post on “What Is The Best Season To Give “? This happens to be our motto on gift exchanging.
Now back to the discussion that prompted this post…
Tiffany mentioned that my attitude on this subject was perfect for my husband (her brother) because he was so cheap. 
I won’t debate whether his being cheap is true (he reads my blog sometimes… hey, Suga!), but I will tell you my response. I told Tiffany that I really didn’t consider myself cheap, but “practical”. So, when we exchange gifts throughout the year, it happens to be things that we know the other needs or wants.
I love it when my husband brings flowers home for no reason other than he was thinking of me and thought it might bring a smile to my face. AND, I love it when he skips the flowers altogether because they are just going to die in a few days and gets me an ink cartridge for my printer or backup drive for my laptop or a new convertible BMW (oops! 
) book he knows I’ve been meaning to read. See? Practical.
Tiffany asked me whether I’d be just as content with a new vacuum cleaner for a gift as I would a diamond ring. Absolutely. If my vacuum was broken, I needed a new one, and it was my birthday or Christmas, I would prefer the vacuum over a ring. I wear my wedding set and any other piece of jewelry would be unnecessary.
Tiffany looked as if I had lost my mind.
My husband said this was one of the MANY things he loved about me. That I’m not “high-maintenance”. I’m not sure if I like the way that sounds, but hey…
I’m cheap practical. And, yes. The thought is what counts. If he rushed out on Christmas Eve to buy me something that was advertised to death during the Christmas season, just to say he bought me a gift for Christmas, I would wonder what was wrong with him. That’s money we could put on a new washer and dryer.
Furthermore, it could really be argued that moving into our house was our gift to each other.
Is there anybody else with me or did I lose everyone with this post?
Is it the thought or the gift that really counts to you?
The featured picture was taking of my husband cooking as a gift to me in 2005.
Update: After my husband read this post, I had to add this: Vacuum or BMW?–no contest!
My husband and I are the same way. We buy practical gifts when we need them. We didn’t exchange christmas gifts but he bought me a steam cleaner and a new vacuum a few weeks earlier-something I’ve been wanting and needing forever! We also decided to splurge on a new TV so those were our gifts.
It’s easier and more thoughtful to pick up those little things throughout the year that you know your hubby wants than to wait for a specified gift giving time.
I am all about the practical gifts but a girl likes to have something pretty every once in a while. I am totally cool with not exchanging gifts on holidays or special occasions. I would much prefer dinner on those occasions and like you said practical gifts that show my special guy was thinking of me throughout the year. However, I do draw the line when it comes to a competition between a vacuum and a BMW!! I could never give up my baby 3 series Bullet or turn down her 5 series sister Rocket. I guess that is where my high maintenance title rears its ugly head
Money was tighter this year for my fiance and I. We didn’t spend as much as we have in past years. I’m like you, I like getting presents when I don’t expect it. I wasn’t shaking my head at this post. I’d rather spend a few days with my family rather than receive gifts from them.
To twist a quote from Billy Idol, “Hot in the kitchen, hot in the kitchen…tonight!”
My husband Rex and I exchange birthday and Christmas gifts only when one of us has something special on the wish list. This Christmas, things were so tight that we only semi-joked about re-wrapping what we had “in inventory”… when Rex received a long-awaited free replacement for a broken wristwatch, I grabbed it off the FedEx truck, wrapped it right up, and put it under the tree.
Definitely the intangible things that count in the long run…
Happy New Year!
Roxy
Thought
I agree the thought counts more than the gift, because you do not want to do things out of routine but out of love. I can see why many married couples wouldn’t always exchange gifts, especially when they share a joint account as you mentioned, because the element of surprise becomes tricky.
My guess is some sort of balance would be critical to a relationship where gifts are not always exchanged. That way you give gifts to each other on occasions, but you don’t overdo it just because it’s a holiday on the calendar. With this economy I’m going to guess that more people these days are going to be “practical” about gift giving.
@ Lola–I like the budget idea, for sure! Making a list is great too. My MIL usually buys stuff from my “To-Buy” list.
Your partner got you everything you asked for? How cool is that!
Sentimental gifts are perfect for close relationships. We gave mugs with my daughter’s picture on it and custom-made photo albums that chronicled the first 6 months of her life to family members earlier this year.
@ Matt–Good point. We should definitely celebrate what Mother’s/Father’s Day, Christmas, Valentine’s Day, etc. is REALLY about. Gift-giving is really intended to be secondary. It usually ends up being the other way around.
@ Stacy–Cordless screwdriver? NICE. I’m sure your daughter appreciated all the extra attention.
@ Fit4all–True. I agree that a great gift doesn’t have to be large or expensive. I think people should definitely shop within a budget. Going in debt to get a gift doesn’t fit within my “practical” model.
@ Jenera–We’re on the same page here. You reminded me that I need to add a steam cleaner to my “To Buy” list.
@ Kara–I would really like a letter like that too! I gave my DH (Yeah, I was on babycenter.com too) one for his birthday the first year we were dating.
You know, you brought up something I almost went in to with this post, but thought it would be entirely too long. I had a conversation with someone that made me wonder “When is the gift so practical that it’s no longer a “gift”? Will our gifts be so practical that we won’t have any magic or romance left with them? Since you’ve been married 10 years–what do you think about this?
This may be my next post.
@ Tiffany–Glad to see you join the discussion you sparked! LOL
Yeah, that bullet of yours is definitely no contest against a vacuum. I’m with you there.
@ LoisLane–Spending time with family…now that’s what it’s all about!
@ Tasha–Wow! Is your hubby making up for indiscretions? JUST KIDDING. I love your giving to charity idea! Your giving heart is probably why you keep getting.
We are finally all moved in. My laptop was one of the first things I set up, of course. We still have a lot to do. I spent 30 minutes looking for the match to my boot before church this morning. The hard part is behind us though. Thanks for asking.
@ Roxy–Hilarious! We haven’t done that yet, but it’s not beneath us. Thanks for the tip.
@ Signe–Joint gift…good idea. We practice this regularly.
@ Jodith–Another cheap, I mean practical woman.
@ MakingMoney–You know what, as long as you both are on the same page, it works. I was telling Tiffany that different people have to do what works for them. If you were adamant about Christmas gift-giving and your spouse/partner was not, there would be an issue. I think my mom and dad are like this. My mom used to get HEATED when my dad didn’t do something for her birthday, their anniversary, or V-day. Now, she takes his credit card and buys something with it or refuses to cook so they have to go out to eat. LOL
@ Stephanie–Short and sweet.
@ Danny–I agree. The economy will force people to think more practically and put thought in to the gift.
Whew! I’m tired. I gotta go put my books on the shelves now.
Thanks for taking the time to leave comments. It means a lot to me!!!
@ Tasha–You’ve been married for over 30 years and he’s maintained the same gift-giving attitude and behavior? Impressive! “Happy New Year!” to you, as well.
@ Kara–I’m sorry your brother doesn’t want to exchange gifts anymore and you still do. It’s hard when you’re not on the same page. One person is inevitably going to be hurt. Does he know how you feel?
@ Karen–I’m sure going shopping together on Black Friday is nice…planting flowers together, too. Seems like you like the togetherness of the gift-giving. I like those type of things too…just being together.
@ Laura–It’s good to know we’re not alone. That would make us “strange”.
@ John B–Break ANOTHER arm or leg? Oh, dear! I’m glad she got you the hiking boots. “Practical” gifts for the kids??? Hmmm… Good point.
Happy New Year!
Davida