Jan 08 2009
How Honest Are You With Your Loved Ones?
Well, I’ve been dieting and exercising again as a result of some tough love from my friend, Tasha. She basically said I was fat, ugly, and had a bad attitude we needed to do something to make ourselves look and feel better on the inside and out. She has two-month-old twins and I am fourteen-months-postpartum. So we entered an agreement to get in shape and regain some resemblance of our previous selves.
What does all this have to do with honesty? Well, she could have just said, “Girl, you look great… I know you’re thirty pounds heavier than you were two years ago… and you said you wouldn’t let this happen to yourself… but, hey… things happen. You deserve to eat anything you want. So what if your self-esteem isn’t where it should be because you’re not focusing any time on yourself… moms are busy and since it’s hard, don’t worry about it.”
But, she didn’t. She gave it to me straight and I’m back on my program. Cool.
What would you say to your loved one? Would you say, “Yes, honey. Your butt does look big in those jeans”? Would you say, “Mom, will you give me $200 because I have no intention of paying it back and I rather spend your money than mine”? Would you say, “Daughter, leave that man alone because I don’t think he will be able to provide for you on minimum wage”? How about, “No, Honey. I don’t have a headache, but I still don’t want to tonight because it really hasn’t been very satisfying for a while and it’s just not worth the effort”?
Maybe some things shouldn’t be said. Or maybe there’s just a better way to say something that’s true.
In my husband’s blog post about me a few days ago, he mentioned that I was brutally honest. I don’t think anyone would find the “brutal” part too flattering, but I can’t deny that I go overboard sometimes. I’ve been working on this character flaw. I’ve finally gotten it down to: 1. sharing my opinion only when asked (or on my own doggone blog, where I say what I want), 2. saying nothing if I already know my answer is going to spark negative consequences, and 3. just letting the brutality fall as it must when I am provoked.
My brother seems to have the same characteristic. When he and I were discussing this one day, we concluded that our parents are such people of honor and integrity, that my brother and I developed little to no tolerance for dishonesty. We both favor brutal honesty over sweet lies.
Everyone close to me knows not to ask me something they don’t want to know the answer to. And, since I dish it, I have to be able to take it (if I ask, that is…I don’t want a bunch of unsolicited advice). This is why I appreciated Tasha telling me to get it together.
So, how ’bout it? Just how honest are you with your loved ones?
I tried to create a poll, but couldn’t get the thing to work. Anywho…
These are the questions I wanted to ask:
I would say I fall in the second category. I’m all about the truth and despise lying, but I try not to throw around any ugly truth around more than I have to.
I’m infamously honest as a general rule. If you ask a question, you will get an honest answer. I often tell people not to ask if they don’t want the truth. But there are ways of telling the truth without being needlessly hurtful. Nor will I volunteer an opinion if it does more hurt than good; I don’t think being honest means that you have to be mean. However, if being silent can do damage (Oh, honey, you don’t want to buy that prom dress, seriously), I will volunteer it. Of course, I have to use my fallible judgment, so I make mistakes.
I also make a concentrated effort to avoid being judgmental, to look for the good, the beauty in places where many don’t see it. Because of that, I can often tell people that they are quite beautiful with absolute honesty or just tell the truth without anything bad to say.
Danny–”ugly truth”, that’s an interesting way to put it.
Stephanie–That’s a good point. It reminds me of the saying “If you don’t have anything good to say, don’t say anything at all”. There have been times when I find something good to say after consciously looking for the positives. It can result in an unexpected compliment which makes us both feel good. You’re right, though. We’re fallible, so it won’t come out right all the time, no matter how hard we try.
Davida
Nicole–Why, “Thank you!” I try to keep it entertaining, yet honest. And, “You’re welcome!”
Makingmoney–I’m with you on this–I hope others will be honest with me as I am with them.
Davida
Hi Davida
I try to be honest as much as I can.. although a little white lie here and there is necessary, I feel, the keep the peace and calm..
Oh isn’t it awesome.. your card is also peeking out from my widget today
Oh I love your header by the way
And I love this new theme.. I’ve applied it too to Gossip Galore
Have a great weekend
Karen–Tact must be an art that I still haven’t mastered yet. I agree 100% that we can’t really get the tone of our message across in writing all the time. Things can be misconstrued. Even all the smilies in the world can’t do but so much.
Marlene–Thanks for stopping by. I will check the link out. I was wondering when someone was going to say “honesty is the best policy”. I used to hear that a lot when I was younger.
Ladyjava–Yep. You’re holding me down today. Thanks. So, you don’t think the header’s a little crowded? I wasn’t sure about that. Have a great weekend yourself.
Nicole–The next blog begins with my failure in applying this code. It still won’t work. I get an error page. I sent you a message back on entrecard. Thanks so much for trying to help anyway though.
Davida
I think it’s just fine.. I like it
Hi! Check out my site at http://caregivingdaughter.today.com. You have received an award!
Ladyjava–Ok. I will leave it alone. Thanks for the feedback!
Caregivingdaughter–I will check out that site. I love recognition!
Jenera–That is truly wonderful when you are with someone who loves you no matter what and just wants you healthy and happy. Sanity and communication are at the top of the list for a healthy marriage!
Thanks for the comments. Sorry it took so long to respond. You know how life gets.
Davida