Mar 18 2009
Why Do Men Need Role Models and Where Do They Find Them?
Some readers have asked questions that they’d like to have answered from a man’s perspective. That’s fabulous, since this is “Danny’s 2 ¢ Week“. He is up for the challenge of answering all of your questions on any topic imaginable.
Frugal Angel Psychic, had this to say:
“The older I get and the more I experiences I have, the more I am really, really seeing that men need older role models that they can respect and who they can go to. I see this especially when it comes to parenting their own children. I’d love to see a post written about male role models, parenting, and how to seek out role models if their aren’t many within ones family.”
So, today, Danny will discuss if and why men need to have role models and how to find a positive one.
This is a great and LOADED topic. Danny’s going to have his hands full. Take it away, Sweetie…
“Well, I believe we all need role models because we progress as a society by standing on the shoulders of those who’ve gone before us. The problem with role models is that those who aren’t of divine origin can disappoint because you will eventually see their flaws. To get around this problem, you will most likely need to have more than one role model, and strategically pick them for your different areas of life.
Finding the right role model will depend on what area of your life you are working on. You may find a number of solid role models for more of the common issues (i.e. marriage, parenting, education) in your family, church, or in your close group of friends. However, if you’re looking for guidance in a more specialized area (i.e. trying to build that $1 million dollar business), Uncle Joe the plumber might not be the best fit.
If you do have someone in your close circle that is excelling in an area you are interested in, then it should be easy to get access to them and find the secret to their success. If you don’t, the following things are what I’d look for in a role model candidate:
1) They Should be Further Along Than You in That Area of Life
I would think this should be common sense, but when picking someone to take advice from, the first thing you should look at is if they are doing well in that area. My uncle who has been married for 40 years gets a little more of my attention with regards to staying married, then my cousin who can’t keep a girlfriend for more than a few months at time.
The point is the role model candidate should already have the results that you’re seeking. You should be able to see that they know what they are talking about because they have the results to prove it. So if you see someone with very respectable and well-behaved children, then they qualify for a few questions on rearing children. People with unruly children, who terrorize the neighborhood, beat up their school teachers, and fail every class, including recess, should probably keep their child rearing advice to themselves.
2) Their Values Should Line Up with Yours
Before you take the advice given to you by the role model candidate, you should be sure that it doesn’t conflict with any fundamental beliefs you have. The reason is that if you on a fundamental level, don’t agree with what the person is prescribing, you will be faced with a decision that can cause major internal conflicts. I’m sure Bernard Madoff could show me how to make a lot of money, but I may end up on the back of a milk carton if I use his methods on attaining my fortune.
3) Should be Accessible to You for Questioning
The last thing you should be mindful of in your role model candidate is that they are able to answer your specific questions. The key to a role model is to determine, down to the smallest details, why they are successful at what they do. Usually the difference between success and failure in most areas of life are very tiny. Those who have already succeeded in an area have critical details that make a huge difference when trying to do well at something.
For instance, many of us have heard that communication is the key to marriage, but in practice what does that communication look like? A seasoned married person could explain the details on how communication works on a daily basis. They could explain the pitfalls that lay ahead that may tempt you to cease communication when it is most critical to work on it. After taking careful notes on such a topic, you would be better equipped to handle a lot more of life’s little twists.”
You have a daughter. Barriers are coming down for girls, but there are still some entrenched attitudes and roles imposed on women by society, by their parents, by their natures.
What steps would you recommend to make sure your daughter has the best opportunities in life, not just in career, but in finding healthy relationships with friends and potential lovers? What traits and characteristics do you think are important for you to foster and, in your opinion, is it different than what you would do for a son?
You said you’d take a hard question. I’ve noticed a distinct difference in how my son and daughter are handled by my husband. I’m curious if you can help me explain the differences.
If we’ve learned one thing from this economic crisis, getting rich at any cost is only “success” by the shallowest kind of definition and not, by any means, proof of admirable qualities.