It wasn’t until I was a mother that I really began to appreciate my mom to the degree I do now.  I didn’t feel that she was there for me as a teenager (which I’ve learned is very common) and in my early adult years I saw more of our differences than anything.  For instance, she’s soft-spoken and often passive-aggressive.  I’m out-spoken and… well, just plain aggressive.

I could not understand some of her decisions, such as staying with and loving my dad despite his less-than-shining moments–and I mean, they were really bad (don’t worry I’ll sing his praises for Father’s Day)– or taking her friend “T” back after she betrayed her so many times– or choosing to stay at her job teaching children with special needs when it took so much out of her and the school administration treated her so poorly.  Well, that’s just the kind of woman she is… A true example of unconditional love, patience, loyalty, and forgiveness.

I remember how my mother was my BIGGEST  and most consistent supporter throughout my matriculation through undergrad, grad school, and law school.  She cried with me when I called off a previous engagement just before the wedding and said she wished she could take the pain away.  She encouraged me to take the biggest step of my life and move to Texas (from NC) where I knew no one and had no money, in order to pursue my dreams.   She told me daily that I could and would do it.  She taught me how big her faith was and how I had to have faith in myself.  She even put her money where her mouth was and deposited money regularly into my account to show that she supported my endeavors.  She also seemed very certain that I would meet a wonderful young man, which I did, even though I was the perpetual skeptic.

When I passed the bar, no one was more excited than she.  She had to pull over on the side of the road to avoid wrecking her car because she could not contain her emotions when I told her the good news.  She sang my praises to her friends and posted the news in the local newspaper.  She was proud.  I felt loved.  That’s my mother.

Now, that I’m a mother, all those differences between us seem so minuscule.  I understand how tough decisions have to be made, especially when they involve more than just yourself.  I understand the sacrifice of dreams and the transference of them on your offspring. I understand a mother’s love is irreplaceable, unconditional, forgiving, and something to be celebrated.

So, here’s to my mom!  She is a cancer-survivor….  She is a retired special education school teacher….  She is indebted to no one…. She has been married to the same man for nearly thirty-five years…  She has two adorable children … She is a God-fearing woman of ethics and principles… She is a role model… and she is my mom.

I love you, Mom!

Happy Mother’s Day, MOM!… and to all the rest of the mothers out there!

If your mother is deceased, I know this may be a difficult time for you.  Take a moment to reflect on the fondest memories you have of her and I’m sure you will feel her loving presence close by.

  Oprah’s show today saluted all moms for unselfishly taking care of the next generation.  Moms from around the world shared confessions of motherhood without the threat of feeling judged.  I’ve listed a few of those confessions here…

Mommy Confessions:

**urinating in a diaper, herself, because it was more convenient than stopping to go to a restroom with a van full of sleeping kids.

**using a maxi-pad as a diaper for a six-month-old baby after realizing she had run out of diapers.

**pretending to cry in front of the children in order to get them to behave (or using other “shock and awe” strategies.

**having to reinvent sex in a marriage after children.  I’d Trade My Husband For a Housekeeper:  Loving Your Marriage After the Baby Carriage authors, Trisha Ashworth and Amy Nobile discussed this in their book (available below) and shared a few tips on Oprah’s show.

**hating her husband, not loving the baby right away, and feeling like she had made a terrible mistake by making the decision to become a mother in the first place.

**losing control, losing relationships, and losing choices in life.

**feeling that motherhood is a 12-step program that has to be taken one day at a time.

**not bathing or grooming herself for several days at a time.

Moms confessed to not being honest about these things to people in the past for fear of being judged or looked at as being a bad mom.  Today, they felt free enough to share the truth about motherhood.

Apparently, feelings of loneliness, despair, anxiety, desperation, sleeplessness… being overburdened, feeling unappreciated, wanting to run away… and overall unhappiness in motherhood are not uncommon.  In fact, the new ABC show, “In The Motherhood”, explores these realities of motherhood by using real-life stories.  Moms are encouraged to submit their own real life stories on the site.  The show lets all moms know they are not alone.

And, that is the purpose of this post. 

I salute all mothers, especially mine .  I also want you all to know that no matter what your situation, there is someone who can relate to it. If you’re going through something particularly difficult, there is no shame in reaching out for help.

One mother, Heather Armstrong, found the help she needed by starting her own blog.  While suffering severe post-partum depression, she began to write about her daily struggles.  She received much support and comfort from readers.  She attributes her blog to saving her life.

While your story may not generate over $40,000/ month in revenue from a blog or book (It Sucked and Then I Cried, available below) as Heather’s does, opening up to someone about what you’re going through, as she did, may help you. So, confess it.

My Confession:

After being a -work-from-home mom for seventeen months, I’ve had the opportunity to discover the pros and cons of motherhood.  Yes, I’ve had some moments when I just wanted to run away.  I’m aware that’s probably not the best thing to say when you’re trying to conceive a second child, but I promise I don’t feel this way all the time. 

I have a good life.  I love and enjoy spending time with my husband and daughter.  In spite of that, I have had feelings of just going away from them both and spending some time by myself… so sue me.

I felt guilty and stupid for feeling this way and did not want to share it on this blog since I know my family and close friends read it (once a year).  I discussed it with my fellow-blogger, Stephanie, instead.  She was generous enough to take two full blog posts to address my issues… and I feel better.  There.  I wrote it.  That’s my mommy confession.

Have any mommy confessions you want to get off your chest in this judgment-free zone?

  Early in 2008, I started feeling disconnected from the world as a work-but-mostly-stay-at-home-mom.  I LOVED (still do) being home with my daughter, but I desperately wanted to interact with people and still feel alive outside my then-new role.

So, I discovered Meetup.com.  It was perfect.  I had the opportunity to meet other mothers and share experiences with them.  As a bonus, my daughter was able to socialize with other babies since she didn’t go to daycare.  We met at parks, the zoo, libraries, the Children’s Museum, and member houses.  We had pot-lucks and pool parties where the mothers talked about bad preggo experiences, how to get Sue to sleep through the night, and how Bob looks just like his daddy.  The babies slobbed on each other’s toys, pulled hair, and stared in amazement at each other.  Good times…

At some point, I stopped going to the playgroups regularly.  This or that came up.  And, before I knew it, six months had passed.

Since I’d been blogging and had this whole new online community to interact with daily, I just let the time creep by.  I was content.  But, then my husband made me feel bad.  He reminded me that the playgroups were more than just an outlet for me, but a social-learning atmosphere for Dasha.

I thought–Yes.  My honey was right.  This would be a great opportunity to get more blogging material reconnect with other moms and babies.  So, guess what–we went back to our playgroup today.

Most of the time, Dasha looked as wild as that lion on “Madagascar” when he was in the jungle.  Clearly, she needs to be around other babies more often.  I’ll have to add this to my weekly calendar of things to do again.

I know some people are leary about meeting people on the internet.  As long as you practice standard safety precautions, it’s really no different than meeting someone on the street…but better.  I have had nothing but great experiences.  If you are looking for others who are similarly situated (workout buddies, lactating moms, single parents, parents of toddlers, carpooling students, persons with disabilities, movie goers, book reviewers, networking entrepreneurs, etc…), try this website.

This is NOT a paid review.  I am writing about this site because it has been instrumental in helping me meet other wonderful mothers and babies for social and business interaction.  I think there may be others who can benefit from visiting this site.

   I don’t know when it happened.  Was it after I got married or when my daughter was born?

I’m not sure when or why it happened, but I know how– My husband and daughter drained all the pizazz from me!

I am no longer glamorous (yes, I used to be! ).  I no longer style my hair in the most fashionable way.  I am lucky if I remember to shave my legs and tweeze my eyebrows.  I no longer wear the sexiest, matching undergarments… and maybe worst of all–I no longer do anything for myself.  When was the last time I actually went out alone (without my husband or daughter) or just hung out with a friend?

The realization of my transformation hit me while I was going through some pre-marital/ pre-preggo photos (looking for something to post on my blog, of course).  It really was a sad half hour, perusing through images of the old me.  So, I said to myself, “Self, you have to get out of here and do something for YOURSELF”.

Some may call putting your family ahead of yourself mature and selfless.  Great.  I’m sure it is.  But, at what point does it all become unhealthy?  When will it burn us out?  Shouldn’t moms take time for ourselves and just BE ourselves?… and, that’s if you can even remember who that is… I sure don’t.

I may not remember when I traded in my 5- inch heels for tacky, yet comfortable flip-flops, but I know the moment I decided to not just be Danny’s wife or Dasha’s mother.  Sure, I am those people, but I am also DAVIDA.  I have likes and dislikes… wants and needs.  I enjoy… uh… um… oh yes, that’s right… I remember now.  I enjoy sitting on the sandy beach, eating at cozy restaurants, reading a good book, listening to soothing music, getting my hair done, and going to the movie theater.

So, that’s what we did.  Tasha and I went to the movies (Read what I have to say about “Seven Pounds “).  We left our darlings with their daddies and went out.  We talked, reminisced of old days, laughed at the silly little boys on the corner trying to make a pass at us… and hurried home to see our babies and husbands.

Yes, only a few hours was all it took to re-center ourselves, remember who we are as individuals, enjoy those moments, and go back to our wonderful new lives of diapers, milk bottles, and gassy smiles.  Nothing like a “Girls Day Out” to make us both realize we have new lives… but, they are good ones.

Go out with your girls, ladies, or just spend some quality time alone.  Enjoy YOURSELF.  Your husband and children will be there to love on when you get back.  You’ll be glad you did.

The featured picture is of us in 2006.

Having a baby takes a toll on our bodies.  One of the main things women complain of is stretch marks.  There are all kinds of creams out there on the market.  Do any of them really work?  It seems to depend on who you ask.

This is the product I used:

Mother’s Friend

From the moment I first found out I was pregnant, I began applying Cocoa Butter tummy butter and went to look for Mother’s Friend.  I couldn’t find it in the store anywhere!  I had already heard so much about this moisturizer, that I was determined to give it a try.  I ended up ordering several containers from drugstore.com.  Boy, am I glad I did.

I greased my entire body, with the exception of my face, at least twice a day–morning and night.   I did this until after I had my daughter.  Then I started back using Cocoa Butter lotion to smooth out uneven skin tones.  I ended up with 4 very faint light lines above my navel, where my navel ring dangled waaaaay too long (I didn’t take it out until I was 7 months).  I also have a few dark lines about 1 centimeter long on both sides of my hips, where the elastic of my undergarment rested.  That’s it.

I heard that whether you get stretch marks largely depends on genetics.  Well, my mother didn’t get them on her stomach, but she used Mother’s Friend throughout her pregancy as well.  She got stretch marks on her buttocks, where she didn’t apply the grease and warned me to grease that area.  So, I did.

I’ve heard some people say they used this cream, but it did not work for them.   When I inquired further, I found they didn’t apply it consistently.  Either they started in the middle of the pregnancy or stopped before they gave birth.  Some people put on just enough to say they put some on, but did not coat themselves well enough to keep their skin moisturized beyond the initial application.

I must say that it was a concerted effort.  My husband had to apply it to some areas I could not reach, especially when I got too big and awkward.

I also heard that if it doesn’t happen with your first child it may happen with the next.  I don’t have the next to compare the results to, so I’ll keep you posted.  But, I tell you what–I intend to do the same thing the next time.  My husband and I are pleased with the results and wanted to share it with you.

Can anyone else testify to this or have another product that worked for them?