It wasn’t until I was a mother that I really began to appreciate my mom to the degree I do now.  I didn’t feel that she was there for me as a teenager (which I’ve learned is very common) and in my early adult years I saw more of our differences than anything.  For instance, she’s soft-spoken and often passive-aggressive.  I’m out-spoken and… well, just plain aggressive.

I could not understand some of her decisions, such as staying with and loving my dad despite his less-than-shining moments–and I mean, they were really bad (don’t worry I’ll sing his praises for Father’s Day)– or taking her friend “T” back after she betrayed her so many times– or choosing to stay at her job teaching children with special needs when it took so much out of her and the school administration treated her so poorly.  Well, that’s just the kind of woman she is… A true example of unconditional love, patience, loyalty, and forgiveness.

I remember how my mother was my BIGGEST  and most consistent supporter throughout my matriculation through undergrad, grad school, and law school.  She cried with me when I called off a previous engagement just before the wedding and said she wished she could take the pain away.  She encouraged me to take the biggest step of my life and move to Texas (from NC) where I knew no one and had no money, in order to pursue my dreams.   She told me daily that I could and would do it.  She taught me how big her faith was and how I had to have faith in myself.  She even put her money where her mouth was and deposited money regularly into my account to show that she supported my endeavors.  She also seemed very certain that I would meet a wonderful young man, which I did, even though I was the perpetual skeptic.

When I passed the bar, no one was more excited than she.  She had to pull over on the side of the road to avoid wrecking her car because she could not contain her emotions when I told her the good news.  She sang my praises to her friends and posted the news in the local newspaper.  She was proud.  I felt loved.  That’s my mother.

Now, that I’m a mother, all those differences between us seem so minuscule.  I understand how tough decisions have to be made, especially when they involve more than just yourself.  I understand the sacrifice of dreams and the transference of them on your offspring. I understand a mother’s love is irreplaceable, unconditional, forgiving, and something to be celebrated.

So, here’s to my mom!  She is a cancer-survivor….  She is a retired special education school teacher….  She is indebted to no one…. She has been married to the same man for nearly thirty-five years…  She has two adorable children … She is a God-fearing woman of ethics and principles… She is a role model… and she is my mom.

I love you, Mom!

Happy Mother’s Day, MOM!… and to all the rest of the mothers out there!

If your mother is deceased, I know this may be a difficult time for you.  Take a moment to reflect on the fondest memories you have of her and I’m sure you will feel her loving presence close by.

Ok.  I owe my regular readers an explanation.  Apparently, there are more than two of them (as I originally suspected).  Can you believe that?!  I’ve been getting worried emails, even concerned phone calls.  I’m really flattered and am glad that they miss me.  The feeling is mutual, I assure you!

I’ve been taking a hiatus from blogging and it’s likely to be even longer… much longer.  At first it started out with some changes in the blogging community that made me restructure my blogging methods… then I started going to court more often with more clients… then it was my addiction to the “Twilight” four-book series by Stephenie Meyer, which I read within a week… and from there I felt inspired to finally do something I’ve talked about doing since I was young–write a novel.

So, that’s what I’m devoting my time to.  I’m taking my own advice about following your dreams, making yourself a priority, doing what you love to do, never giving up, being a doer and not a talker, etc.

Although in the early stages, the project is not without its challenges.  This is my first REAL endeavor in writing fiction.  I’m really scared and I feel stupid.  I’m scared that it won’t be good and people won’t like it.  I’m scared that people won’t even want to read it.  I’m scared that I’ll get distracted before I complete it and just give up altogether.  I’m scared that I won’t know how to get it published even if I do finish it.  I’m scared for the rejection letters from publishers that I know is a common part of the writing business.  AND I’m scared for my parents and other people who may be offended by its content to actually read it.  BUT I can’t let fear cripple me (another piece of advice I dole out often).  Success often comes from taking risks.

So, there you have it.  I cut all my hair off, started wearing my pre-pregnancy clothes (that I can finally fit again–Whohoo!), and started to fulfill a dream.  My husband, Danny, is very supportive and is helping me with character development right now.  My friend, Tasha, is also giving input and allowing me to bounce ideas off her.  My daughter, Dasha, is enjoying “Sesame Street” videos a little more often now and appears to really love that.  I’ll keep you posted periodically.

I also update my Movie Connoisseur blog with movie reviews as often as I can.

  Yesterday’s Oprah Show discussed the negative affects our bad economy is having on marriages.  M. Gary Neuman was on the show sharing tips for recession-proofing a marriage to couples who admitted letting depression, grief, anxiety, and shame over foreclosures and job loss take priority over their marriages.

It’s understandable why marriages are struggling with the added stress of making ends meet.  If financial strain is wreaking havoc on your marriage, consider…

Neuman’s 5-Step Action Plan:

Step 1: Fight for Your Marriage

Step 2: Set Aside Time to Talk About Money

Step 3: Go Outside of Yourself

Step 4: Bring the Kids On Board

Step 5: Keep Living as a Couple

Remember, difficult financial times don’t have to break your marriage.  It could bring you closer together.  Stick together and help each other.  Also remember, you are not defined by the job or material things you had.  You are still the same beautiful, powerful, and loving person you were before all that.  This is a good time to set a positive example for your children on how to effectively manage stressful situations.

  Oprah’s show today saluted all moms for unselfishly taking care of the next generation.  Moms from around the world shared confessions of motherhood without the threat of feeling judged.  I’ve listed a few of those confessions here…

Mommy Confessions:

**urinating in a diaper, herself, because it was more convenient than stopping to go to a restroom with a van full of sleeping kids.

**using a maxi-pad as a diaper for a six-month-old baby after realizing she had run out of diapers.

**pretending to cry in front of the children in order to get them to behave (or using other “shock and awe” strategies.

**having to reinvent sex in a marriage after children.  I’d Trade My Husband For a Housekeeper:  Loving Your Marriage After the Baby Carriage authors, Trisha Ashworth and Amy Nobile discussed this in their book (available below) and shared a few tips on Oprah’s show.

**hating her husband, not loving the baby right away, and feeling like she had made a terrible mistake by making the decision to become a mother in the first place.

**losing control, losing relationships, and losing choices in life.

**feeling that motherhood is a 12-step program that has to be taken one day at a time.

**not bathing or grooming herself for several days at a time.

Moms confessed to not being honest about these things to people in the past for fear of being judged or looked at as being a bad mom.  Today, they felt free enough to share the truth about motherhood.

Apparently, feelings of loneliness, despair, anxiety, desperation, sleeplessness… being overburdened, feeling unappreciated, wanting to run away… and overall unhappiness in motherhood are not uncommon.  In fact, the new ABC show, “In The Motherhood”, explores these realities of motherhood by using real-life stories.  Moms are encouraged to submit their own real life stories on the site.  The show lets all moms know they are not alone.

And, that is the purpose of this post. 

I salute all mothers, especially mine .  I also want you all to know that no matter what your situation, there is someone who can relate to it. If you’re going through something particularly difficult, there is no shame in reaching out for help.

One mother, Heather Armstrong, found the help she needed by starting her own blog.  While suffering severe post-partum depression, she began to write about her daily struggles.  She received much support and comfort from readers.  She attributes her blog to saving her life.

While your story may not generate over $40,000/ month in revenue from a blog or book (It Sucked and Then I Cried, available below) as Heather’s does, opening up to someone about what you’re going through, as she did, may help you. So, confess it.

My Confession:

After being a -work-from-home mom for seventeen months, I’ve had the opportunity to discover the pros and cons of motherhood.  Yes, I’ve had some moments when I just wanted to run away.  I’m aware that’s probably not the best thing to say when you’re trying to conceive a second child, but I promise I don’t feel this way all the time. 

I have a good life.  I love and enjoy spending time with my husband and daughter.  In spite of that, I have had feelings of just going away from them both and spending some time by myself… so sue me.

I felt guilty and stupid for feeling this way and did not want to share it on this blog since I know my family and close friends read it (once a year).  I discussed it with my fellow-blogger, Stephanie, instead.  She was generous enough to take two full blog posts to address my issues… and I feel better.  There.  I wrote it.  That’s my mommy confession.

Have any mommy confessions you want to get off your chest in this judgment-free zone?

Ok. Ok… For the two of you who read this blog, at least one of you has probably noticed that I’ve been MIA for the past few days.  No, no.  It’s not because of writer’s block or anything that fancy.  C’mon… give me a break.  I’m a wife, mother, and attorney… Life gets in the way sometimes.  While I enjoy writing on this blog, I had to focus my attention on other things.  Like…

Taking my daughter back to the ER because she dislocated her elbow all by herself this time.  But, don’t worry.  That’s the last one of those trips we’re going to make.  I asked the doc to show me how to put it back in place since it’s obviously something she can easily dislocate AND since it’s obviously something really easy to correct.  The visit to the ER was longer this time, but on a positive note– she did better on the elevators… only a slight squeal each time.

I also had the pleasure of trying to get my client to understand that there is no need to appeal her parole revocation since she plead guilty to felony prostitution.  She still doesn’t get it.  Hey– the Parole Board wouldn’t be doing its job if they decided she should continue supervision considering her history of prostitution, possessing cocaine, and being revoked several times in the past.  Oh boy…

Good times.  Anywho…

I just wanted to write a quick note to let you know about this little gem I discovered in the blogosphere:  Happily Ever After Soulmates.  I’m so proud of this married couple who decided to give their marriage a chance by going through intensive counseling.  They are learning to get past hurt, rediscover the love they had for each other, and strengthen their marriage by openly communicating their feelings.  We, as readers, have the opportunity to learn from their mistakes and support their efforts at the same time.  They have candid discussions that most people can relate to either now or in our own futures.  Check out their blog.

And now… (drum roll, please)

Need Answers From a Male Perspective?  My husband, Danny, will give his 2¢.  In fact, this week will be called “Danny’s 2¢ Week”.

Danny will be writing the next few blogs on men’s issues.  This includes, but is not limited to, marital and parenting situations from a man’s perspective.  Consider these things:

1.  Is there anything you ever wanted to get a man’s opinion on, but was too afraid to ask?

2.  Are you having trouble communicating with your man and wished someone could give you a tip on how to do it more effectively?

3.  Are you a man who is afraid of commitment, love, responsibility, or whatever and would like to get another man’s view?

4.  If you just want to be nosy and ask him personal questions, that’s fine too.

Come with your questions.  Danny will answer them all.  No subject is off limits.  No, I’m not channeling him… he will REALLY be responding to you.

If no one has a question, that’s ok.  I have several of my own to keep him occupied.  (grinning devishly)

It’s that time again. So what’s on my mind today? 

1.  I’ve been working out pretty hard.  I feel really good about it.  I’ve been on the track by the lake most days, since the weather’s been so great (still 80s).  Too bad it’s going to drop down to the 50-60s range tomorrow through Saturday.  I’ll have to retreat to my home gym.

2.  This season of “American Idol” rocks!!!  So much talent… Good conversation piece with my friends and family.  My favorite so far?  26-year-old Adam Lambert:

“Dancing With The Stars“started a new season.  I think I’ll sit this one out… it wasn’t very good last night.  Dull.

3.   We had a much better playgroup today.  It wasn’t followed by a trip to the ER, at least.  Dasha enjoyed sliding and pretending to rock climb:

Yeah, yeah.  I know she looks like a boy in the purple with her baby fro, but she’s all girl.

4.  Is Vin Diesel really in the next “Fast and Furious“???  Ha!  It’s about time he came to his senses.

Well, that’s all for now.  My husband and I are getting ready to watch a movie together.  We’ll see if it’s one to write about…

Visit The Un Mom for more random thoughts.

  I mentioned a week ago that my husband and I were planning to have another baby.  Our daughter’s sixteen-months-old, I’d like to work full-time again once my children are in school, I’ll be thirty-five in a few months… we’ve decided it’s the right time for us.  Sure there are reasons it’s NOT a good time, but the pros outweigh the cons.

All this talk about babies and pregnancy got me to thinking and reading about fertility.  I’m sure you’ve heard, just like I have, “You got plenty of time!  Don’t rush.  Women are having babies later in life…” blah, blah, blah…  You’ve probably said it yourself.  Well, do we really have a lot of time?

Marie Claire magazine discusses aging and fertility in its February 2009 issue.  In the article “Fertility 101” we are reminded that our eggs age and we run out of viable ones the older we get.  Most women have a fertility peak in their 20s.  Around thirty-one, fertility starts to drop.  By age thirty-five, one in four women have trouble getting pregnant.

So, do we have plenty of time?  Not all of us.  Some women have more time than others… do you know which one you are?

Now, this in NO WAY is encouraging anyone to rush in to having a baby if you are not ready.  I am just intending to point out that if you are married, have a steady career, and think you have plenty of time to put it off, that may or may not be true for you.

If you find yourself having to postpone having children for a few years, the article gives tips for boosting your fertility:

1.  Control Stress

2.  Take folic acid early and often

3.  Quit smoking

4.  Don’t overexercise (I’m certainly not in danger of doing this)

5.  Drink conservatively

6.  Maintain a healthy weight

I encourage you to read the article in its entirety and other fertility resources if you interested in adding to your family.

My preconception checkup went well… so, I’ll keep you posted.

My husband went out with some of his fraternity brothers last night.  Today, he shared with me some of the interesting things that happened… and that’s what spurred this post.  We had a good laugh as we thought about things that never happen until you’re married.  I hope you find our list entertaining…

7 THINGS THAT NEVER HAPPEN UNTIL YOU’RE MARRIED:

1.  A car full of single, attractive, lonely women, looking for a dude to entertain them, just rode up next to you and asked “Where’s the party?”  (inspired by my husband’s evening with the fellas)

2.   Your friend nominated you for ABC’s hit reality show “The Bachelor” or the “The Bachelorette” while you were still single.  ABC is filming the next season in your local area.  They are looking for someone just like you and gave you a call for an interview.

3.  Your single friends just watched “How Stella Got Her Groove Back” or an episode of “Girls Gone Wild” and invited you to an all-expense-paid trip to an exotic, secluded, nude beach.

4.   Your first love, who you searched for ten years to reconnect with and thought you’d never see again, just wrote you on Facebook: “I miss you.  I’m still single.  Are you?”

5.   The family attorney just found your deceased uncle’s hand-written will.  Since Uncle Cool never thought someone would actually marry you, he bequeathed $10 million to you if you never got married, as a consolation gift.

6.  Your single friends are hosting a co-ed pajama party.

7.  You just received a lucrative job offer from Hugh Hefner to be his personal assistant.  It requires you to move into the playboy mansion and keep the ladies entertained.  Your commitment to the job must be a minimum of five years.  Sorry, ladies.  I couldn’t think of an equivalent for this one.

Update:  this is the female equivalent…

Hugh Hefner wants you to be one of his pampered princesses. He gives you a brand new mercedes, $100,000 savings account, $10,000/ month stipend, tells you to do whatever you want, whenever as long as you stay at the mansion for a guaranteed five-year term.

For married readers:  Anything happened to you that you know wouldn’t have if you were single?  

For single readers:  Anything you want to happen that you know probably won’t until you’re married?

Last week, I posted the first part of my interview from my Rocket Scientist friend, Stephanie.  Since each question required a detailed answer, I only posted 2/5 questions and answers then.  I will spend a little time on question #3 here.  Please leave your answer to the question in the comment section, if you are so inclined.

Interview for Davida, Question #3:

“In marriage, what do you think builds a better relationship, the differences that keep you from losing your individuality, the similarities that you use to build your relationship together from or a healthy balance of both. Why?”

This is an easy one.  I think a healthy balance of both is what builds a better relationship.  I think this is true of most, if not all, marriages. I’ll use examples from mine in this answer. 

 The differences between us are what make us complement each other.  For example, two Type A personalities (me) would surely clash.  It would also be a terrible mix to have both partners bad a little shaky at managing money (him).  He’s a friendlier person, so he gets the family plenty of invites to events.  I, on the other hand, know all about etiquette, so I make sure the “Thank You’s” are sent in a timely manner. 

 The similarities are probably what makes our time spent together most enjoyable.  It’s great that we both love to watch movies.  We can quote a line from a movie all day and not worry about the other not getting it.  Both of us graduating from the same law school and working together occasionally give us something in common to talk about (like that dreadful bar experience).  I know exactly what he’s talking about when he throws around legalese or tells me about some case one of his fellow professors is working on.

 I think individuality is important because we were separate people when we met.  We were attracted to the other’s individuality.  Now that we are “one”, it’s important to be the same individuals that we found so attractive in the beginning, AND it’s important to balance being the new “person” we are together.  I think the key word in your question, which is the answer to most things, is BALANCE.

 Thanks for the question, Stephanie.

 As a reader, which do you think builds a better relationship?

One of the sweetest Valentine’s Day surprises I saw was on Friday’s re-airing of Oprah (ya’ll know by now I love Oprah’s show).  The part I liked most was when Patti LaBelle surprised a fan with a duet of “If Only You Knew”.  The song is beautiful, Patti is beautiful, the fan (Win) and his wife (Vickie) are a beautiful couple, and their chosen way to express love for each other for Valentine’s Day was beautiful.

Enjoy this video:

Vickie told Win he would be singing for her on The Oprah Show in front of millions of people–that was his Valentine’s Day gift to Vickie.  What he didn’t know was since Vickie knew how much he loved Patti, she had Oprah arrange a surprise visit from Patti.  So, not only was Win singing Patti’s song to his wife on Oprah, but he got to do it with his favorite singer, Patti LaBelle, herself–that was his wife’s gift to him.   How romantic of them both.

Patti LaBelle is such a timeless, classy beauty.  She has been serenading us since the 70s and shows no signs of falling off.  After she sang on Oprah, she discussed the loss of her own Valentine.  She endearingly referred to him as “dancing in heaven” in lieu of being dead.  She was even sweet enough to invite Win and Vickie to lunch with her.  That was another great surprise for the couple.

I encourage you to surprise the one you love (spouse, significant other, child, or friend)  with a sweet surprise.  You don’t have to wait until next February 14th.  Show love and appreciation as often as you can.